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The Pillow - You are not alone | AVON

Trigger Warning: Physical Violence

THE PILLOW

 

Our relationship began in a small house in the countryside.Our relationship began in a small house in the countryside.

Small, but charming. A house that always smelled like freshly baked cake.Small, but charming. A house that always smelled like freshly baked cake.

She was born there, about 30 years ago.She was born there, about 30 years ago.

From day one, there were few nights in which we spent apart.From day one, there were few nights in which we spent apart.

I followed all her steps.I followed all her steps.

From the countryside to the big city.From the countryside to the big city.

From nightmares to hangovers on Sundays.From nightmares to hangovers on Sundays.

We travelled everywhere together.We travelled everywhere together.

To the beach, the woods, the family ranch… Even abroad.To the beach, the woods, the family ranch… Even abroad.

Who would have guessed that the little-town girl could go that far?Who would have guessed that the little-town girl could go that far?

Over the years, I met her family, her friends, and all of her boyfriends.Over the years, I met her family, her friends, and all of her boyfriends.

I’ve always been there. For her first pyjama party, her first time, and her first heartbreak.I’ve always been there. For her first pyjama party, her first time, and her first heartbreak.

There was even a time when our relationship became a bit fragile.There was even a time when our relationship became a bit fragile.

She was probably around 14 or 15 years old when she decided she didn't need me anymore. That I was a child's thing.She was probably around 14 or 15 years old when she decided she didn't need me anymore. That I was a child's thing.

She left me behind several times, hiding me at the back of the closet.She left me behind several times, hiding me at the back of the closet.

None of that worked. We were meant to be.None of that worked. We were meant to be.

After all, she couldn't sleep if I wasn’t around.After all, she couldn't sleep if I wasn’t around.

 

The last place we lived was a village house.The last place we lived was a village house.

It reminded me a lot of our first countryside home.It reminded me a lot of our first countryside home.

Except for the freshly baked cake smell.Except for the freshly baked cake smell.

She moved there right after her wedding.She moved there right after her wedding.

To be honest, I hesitated a bit in the beginning.To be honest, I hesitated a bit in the beginning.

I didn't like the idea of someone sharing the bed with us.I didn't like the idea of someone sharing the bed with us.

Sharing a moment that had always been ours.Sharing a moment that had always been ours.

But eventually, I got used to it.But eventually, I got used to it.

As time gone by, he also managed to win me over.As time gone by, he also managed to win me over.

I was never fully thrilled by him being there, but on the other hand, she had never seemed so happy.I was never fully thrilled by him being there, but on the other hand, she had never seemed so happy.

We did all kinds of things together.We did all kinds of things together.

We travelled everywhere, watched TV shows on the couch.We travelled everywhere, watched TV shows on the couch.

They would talk about their day, their future, and their dreams.They would talk about their day, their future, and their dreams.

And I was always there.And I was always there.

The first four years were filled with love. Literally.The first four years were filled with love. Literally.

In the morning, in the evening, and even in mid-afternoon on weekends.In the morning, in the evening, and even in mid-afternoon on weekends.

Sometimes I felt a bit awkward… being there during those moments.Sometimes I felt a bit awkward… being there during those moments.

But as they finished, she would caringly hug me, ready to sleep, and I could feel her happiness.But as they finished, she would caringly hug me, ready to sleep, and I could feel her happiness.

 

On their fifth anniversary, things began to change.On their fifth anniversary, things began to change.

The sleepless nights talking about the future turned into an empty bed.The sleepless nights talking about the future turned into an empty bed.

For some reason, he wasn't there at night.For some reason, he wasn't there at night.

And she would hold me and cry compulsively.And she would hold me and cry compulsively.

A desperate cry, which reminded me a lot of that first heartbreak.A desperate cry, which reminded me a lot of that first heartbreak.

As time gone by, the TV shows were replaced by slammed door sounds.As time gone by, the TV shows were replaced by slammed door sounds.

The heavy nights of sleep became sleepless nights.The heavy nights of sleep became sleepless nights.

The hugs were now filled with fear.The hugs were now filled with fear.

Like the ones of that little-town girl, who had nightmares with monsters under her bed.Like the ones of that little-town girl, who had nightmares with monsters under her bed.

 

All this fear ended on a Tuesday, when we were watching a movie.All this fear ended on a Tuesday, when we were watching a movie.

She was leaning on me when she broke out in laughter.She was leaning on me when she broke out in laughter.

A laughter that made her shed tears on both of us.A laughter that made her shed tears on both of us.

Tears of happiness, something I hadn't witnessed in a long time.Tears of happiness, something I hadn't witnessed in a long time.

 

All the laughter was brutally interrupted when he arrived home.All the laughter was brutally interrupted when he arrived home.

Angry, sweaty, nervous.Angry, sweaty, nervous.

With a face expression I had never seen before. Neither in a movie nor a show.With a face expression I had never seen before. Neither in a movie nor a show.

He grabbed me while screamed.He grabbed me while screamed.

I was pushed against her head.I was pushed against her head.

I wish I could get out of there.I wish I could get out of there.

I wanted to scream as loud as him. I wish I could have prevented that somehow.I wanted to scream as loud as him. I wish I could have prevented that somehow.

I wish I could have reminded him of all the conversations on the couch, of all the dreams, of all the plans they hadI wish I could have reminded him of all the conversations on the couch, of all the dreams, of all the plans they had made throughout those first four years.

made throughout those first four years.But I couldn't.

But I couldn't.

I was smashed against her face for a few minutes, until I stopped feeling her warm breath.

I was smashed against her face for a few minutes, until I stopped feeling her warm breath.I stopped feeling her fear.

I stopped feeling her fear.I stopped hearing her cry.

I stopped hearing her cry.

She could never sleep if I wasn’t around.

She could never sleep if I wasn’t around.And with my help, she slept for the very last time.

And with my help, she slept for the very last time.

 

Sometimes, the only witness cannot speak for you.

 

 

 

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